Domestic violence, as defined by the U.S. Department of Justice Office on Violence Against Women (2023), is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain control over another, and can have substantial effects on children who grow up witnessing this abuse. This is particularly concerning as the victims of this abuse often feel they have no choice in the matter, and fear the abuse from their partner may then be turned on their child(ren), or their partner could try and take their child(ren) if they leave. Conversely, children who grow up in homes witnessing domestic violence can experience both short-term and long-term effects, which include difficulties in school, a decline in social skills, internalized behaviors, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and aggressive behaviors (Doroudchi et al., 2023).
According to research conducted by Bonnie Carlson, it is estimated that 3.3 million children between the ages of 3 and 17 witness domestic violence amongst their caregivers, in the U.S. each year. While this statistic can be staggering, it is important to reiterate that victims of domestic violence are often manipulated by their abusers into thinking if they stay in the relationship it will be safer for their children. Each child will respond to trauma differently, which means how they are affected by the trauma will range as well.
The U.S Department of Health and Human Services, Office on Women’s Health, has come up with a list of ways in which you can help your child(ren) if they’ve witnessed domestic violence (2021), it includes:
Talking to them about their fears: Reassure them that what they witnessed is not their fault or your fault.
Talking with them about boundaries: Inform your child that nobody has the right to touch them, as well as informing them that they do not have the right to touch someone else's body, if they say stop, they should do so right away.
Talking with them about healthy relationships: Help them learn from what they witnessed by discussing what healthy relationships are and are not.
Helping them find a reliable support system: In addition to a parent, find someone your child feels safe going to for support, this could be a school counselor, a therapist, or a trusted adult who can provide ongoing support.
Getting them professional help: Speak to a therapist about counseling or other talk therapies that could be helpful for your child.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, The Domestic Violence Hotline has live advocates available 24/7, you can connect with their website here where you can call, live chat, or text someone directly. You can also click here to find local resources and providers.
Written by Emma Cho
Sources:
Carlson, B.E. (2000). Children exposed to intimate partner violence: Research findings and implications for intervention. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse 1(4), 321-342.
Doroudchi, A., Zarenezhad, M., Hosseininezhad, H., Malekpour, A., Ehsaei, Z., Kaboodkhani, R., & Valiei, M. (2023). Psychological complications of the children exposed to domestic violence: A systematic review. Egyptian Journal of Forensic Sciences, 13(1). https://doi.org/10.1186/s41935-023-00343-4
U.S Department of Health and Human Services.(2021). Effects of domestic violence on children. Office on Women’s Health. https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence/effects-domestic-violence-children
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